I commented on a status message. My genuine reply was construed as a 'smart retort'. I cared enough to apologize, but it wasn't accepted.
I remained mad for a day, then decided it wasn't worth it any more. He told me he had "forgiven" me the previous night.
"Easier for you", I said. "I apologized. You haven't yet."
"Sorry doesn't exist between friends", I was told.
I disagree. The word may be unnecessary, but you need to know he accepts his guilt.
_____
8 comments:
ah. an apology consists of three things - first a realization that you have harmed another, then the spoken (or written) apology; then a statement of how you will avoid doing this in the future to the injured party and extended out to others. If your friend doesn't have the first realization then the rest doesn't happen. We know with kids that they often say they are sorry but there is nothing underneath. Sometimes, no often, the same with adults.
I like contemplations on apologies, regret and ammends. They are so interesting.
Jan Morrison
Rayna - I am sorry there's been a rift between friends. That's always hard. But I agree with you. A sincere apology is sometimes needed between friends. It shows an awareness that one's hurt someone. It's hard to forgive someone for hurting one if that someone doesn't admit he's done so. And wouldn't he be even more eager to mend things with you as you're friends?
Love and friendship means many apologies and acts of forgiveness!
If you feel you never have to say you're sorry to a friend, you may soon not have any.
Yes apologies are important for sure!!!
Hugs
SueAnn
I love your golden photo.
It's hard to forgive when you haven't been asked. But I find it easier that having to carry the other person's wrong around with me.
He should have said that when you apologised - that there is no need to say sorry between friends!
@ Jan - my point exactly. If you don't even realise you have done something to hurt the other person, the rest of it is quite meaningless.
And with kids, it is a whole different ball game, isn't it?
Strangely, I am not hurt, or upset- merely sad that a friendship had to go through that, and wondering if it would recover.
@ Margot - he knows I am upset about something, and seems keen to mend it. BUT, if he continues thinking I am over-reacting to nothing, there doesn't seem much point, does there?
@ Alex - I definitely think so. It may not mean "saying" sorry, but you have to let the other person realise you are sorry.
@ Mary - but in that case, you wouldn't have to say sorry to friends ;-)
So true- he has one friend less now.
@ SueAnn - thanks.
@ Faith - I find it easy to move on. This person, for instance, I will dump into the "not important enough to be hurt by him" pile, and leave it at that. Carrying negativity is so painful.
@ Meera - so true. It was an acknowledgement of the apology then, not a "sorry doesn't exist between friends".
Post a Comment