October 2014 : What Breed is your Dog?

“Which breed is your dog?”

The question used to irritate me, because I thought I was being judged on my choice of pooch, till I realized it is just a question that people ask.

I still didn’t have an answer. ‘Street dog’ is inaccurate, because he’s never lived on one, and a dog with a home cannot be called a ‘stray’. ‘Indie’ and ‘InDOG’ both sound like I am trying to create a false pedigree, and I dislike the word ‘pariah’.

I’ve finally got an answer, “His mother was a stray, we don’t know the father. And he’s all ours!”

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2014: The Year That Was

August 2014: Those Masks We Wear

All of us lead multiple lives. Who we are is not who we show we are. We may be a teeny bit anxious or scared, but what we project is sheer confidence. We don't want to admit we do not know, for fear of being judged. But often the other person is just as scared too.

And then we get so good at being who we are not, we almost forget who we actually are. The projection starts taking over. 

Those masks we wear; do we really need them? Beautiful though they are, isn't what is beneath the real us?

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2014: The Year That Was

April 2014: Relationships are what you make of them

Know that there will always be people who hurt you. People who betray your trust. People who abuse your confidences. People who take advantage of you. There have always been such people, and there always will be. You cannot change that.

But you can decide how to react. Do you want to hold onto the betrayal, and let it fester forever? Do you want to challenge them, and feel worse when they deny they ever did wrong? Or, do you want to let go, and resolve never to let them do so again?

Relationships are what you make of them.

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This picture was taken at a cousin's wedding in April.
2014: The Year That Was

Catching up over lunch: day 32 of #100happydays

“I’m going to be in your part of town today”, I texted to a friend. “Think we can catch up over lunch?”

She didn’t have anything that couldn’t be re-scheduled, and an hour later, we were sitting at a café, giggling like we would when we worked together and met everyday. What we spoke about, I don’t remember. All I know is we picked up from wherever we’d left off the last time we spoke!

It is nice to have friends with whom you can make elaborate plans to meet, but nicer still is having someone you can meet spontaneously.

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Friends keep us afloat

We had been friends. Till we had a fight, and cut each other off from our lives. I distanced myself from most of our mutual friends. There had been good times, but I put them behind me. “Life is complicated enough without excess baggage”, I convinced myself. It suited me fine.

Months later, she reached out. “Can we put all that behind us, and start afresh?”

I wanted to ignore it. Her. But made me take her hand. There were no apologies, no recriminations. Just a desire to start afresh.

I am glad she reached out. Friends keep us afloat.

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A Drabble is a story told in exactly 100 words.

Isn't that how festivals should be?

“Please, Mamma, may be do Ganapathi at home?”, my kids asked me.

“No way. I am not killing myself any more”, I replied. “You want to celebrate, you celebrate. Leave me out of it.”

Last year, I had sworn not to celebrate any festivals at home. All the hard work wore me out, nobody appreciated the effort, and I ended up snapping at everyone in frustration. Life became much easier after I started ignoring festivals.

And then the kids wanted to celebrate. I let them take charge; helped when they asked. We have fun.

Isn’t that how festivals should be?

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We haven't yet got to a stage where we celebrate obscure festivals like this one where images of the Mother Goddess seem to be worshipped at home, but we have celebrated at least three major and many minor festivals, and had fun. Taken at the local market, in December, this forms a part of my Pictorial Flashback of 2012.

Happy Birthday

“You look just like your mother”, people often tell me.

“Don’t let her hear that”, I am quick to retort. “She’ll not like being told she looks like me.”

Whether we look alike or not is debatable, but on the face of it, we are completely different. She’s gregarious; I’m reserved. She loves bright colours and dressing up; my wardrobe is made up of monochromes. We can’t stay together in the same room for an hour without fighting.

And yet, in the things that matter, we think alike. She’s the first person I think of when I need a hug.

Happy Birthday, Mumsie

Real courage

“But what’s so great about it”, my son asked when he heard me talking about a lady who single-handedly faced up to a mob, and got them to calm down before they had a chance to turn violent. “If she was a hero, she would have beaten up those people, wouldn’t she?”

Like so many others, she could have chosen to distance herself from the scene. Instead, she did what she knew was right. But how do you explain to a child that standing up for what you believe in sometimes takes far more courage than bashing up villans does.

Spot the Difference

While we were waiting for the bill after lunch at our favourite restaurant, the younger one trotted off with his brother’s camera and returned a few minutes later with a satisfied smile on his face. Not to be outdone, his brother claimed the camera that is rightfully his, and disappeared on a photoshoot. After signing the charge-slip, I paused for a moment at the door, took out the camera and snapped a quick photograph.

It was only while downloading the photographs that I noticed that the same scene had captured all our imaginations. Can you guess who took which one?

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See how you fared:

I - Thing One - the (nearly) nine year old

II - Thing Two - the six and a half year old

III - Biggest One - the mother

Which Animal are You?

“But I thought you would choose a cheetah”, my son exclaimed.

Ignoring the fact that he was probably trying to tell me I spend too much time running, I said, “But I’m not as fast as a cheetah. I run like an elephant- I’m slow, but I always get where I want to go.”

That’s not the only reason I think I’m an elephant. I’m intelligent, and helpful. I don’t mind company, but like being on my own too. I can figure things out fast, and rarely forget, unless I want to.

Yes, I am an elephant, through and through.

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And which animal are you?

The greatest gift

“But I can’t do it”, my son told me.

“Of course you can.” I didn’t particularly want him to jump off branch, but even less did I want him to walk away from a challenge he set for himself.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!”

He closed his eyes, pushed himself off, and landed perfectly on his feet.

“How did you know I could do it?”, he asked me much later.

“Because my parents taught me that if you believe you can do something, you can do it”, I told him.

The greatest gift a parent can give a child is self-belief.

All is forgiven

They drive me up the wall, with their incessant demands. Every word of mine is questioned, every direction flouted. They want to go down and play when they should be doing their homework, and remember their school assignment when we are sitting down to dinner. When I am trying to work, they are bored and need to be entertained, but the moment their bedtime is called, they remember the abridged chess game they were to have finished that day.

But when they finally go to bed and allow sleep to claim them, they look so angelic that all is forgiven.

To expect people to change

In many relationships, there comes a time when who a person is seems no longer enough. You want them to become who you expect them to be, and if they don’t, you are disappointed.

But is that fair on the other person? Would you be willing to change, against your will, if they want you to? 

Would you not grudge them the right to dictate who you are?

Why can’t we just accept people as they are? Because they matter to us only because we liked them, and if we liked them once, why should they now have to change? 

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Photograph also posted in Snapshots

Saas, mother-in-law

A mother-in-law is always a much maligned figure, but in the Indian context, most of it is justified. Long after he’s grown up, his mother remains the most influential person in a man’s life, and almost every saas feels it is the duty of her bahu to defer to her on everything. 


The saas is often the prime instigator in cases of bride burning and bride harassment, and even when not that overt, the saas often tries to dictate how the bahu dresses, and how she ‘behaves’. 


Yes, there are exceptions. But you wouldn’t find them in movies or soap-operas.
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There are words, and there are words. Some words can be easily translated, others need to be described.  In April, I’ll attempt to capture the Soul of 26 'Indian' words in a  drabble of exactly 100 words.

Maa, mother

Maa.
The Mother. The most important person in a person’s life. She who’s given birth. She who’s nursed her child. She who’s spent her life caring for her children. She who often remains the dominant influence in the child’s life even after the child is no longer a child.


Maa.
The Mother Goddess. Worshipped in almost every Hindu household. Celebrated in song, dance and poetry. She who protects and nurtures. She who is Supremely Powerful, the Destroyer of all Evil. She who bestows knowledge, good health, wealth and happiness on all her children.


Is there anybody quite like a Maa?
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There are words, and there are words. Some words can be easily translated, others need to be described.  In April, I’ll attempt to capture the Soul of 26 'Indian' words in a  drabble of exactly 100 words.

Kutta, a dog

When you think of a dog, the words that come to mind are loyal and faithful. But ‘kutta’ is an an insult that is used to great effect in the language.

To be honest, as with most similar insults, I haven’t yet been able to figure out exactly what ‘kutta’ means. Surprisingly, given the predominant qualities of the animal, the word ‘kutta’ seems to imply someone who is utterly untrustworthy.

All I know is that when someone refers to another person as ‘kutta’ in my presence, I turn around and ask them why they are insulting the poor animal so.

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There are words, and there are words. Some words can be easily translated, others need to be described.  In April, I’ll attempt to capture the Soul of 26 'Indian' words in a  drabble of exactly 100 words.

Izzat, honour

For a traditional Indian family, ‘izzath’ is one of the most important things. More important even than basics like food and shelter. The ‘izzath’ of some households are compromised when a woman goes out to work- they would rather do without a few frills than have their womenfolk supplement the family income. 


Izzath needs also to be protected in other ways. No short skirts, not the slightest display of cleavage, and definitely no fraternising with members of the opposite sex. Domestic violence, bride burning, mental abuse-they are all permitted by unwritten social conventions. None of them compromises, izzath, after all. 
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There are words, and there are words. Some words can be easily translated, others need to be described.  In April, I’ll attempt to capture the Soul of 26 'Indian' words in a  drabble of exactly 100 words.

Hawa, air

For all that we cannot survive without it, Air is something we all take for granted. Which is why it is surprise that ‘hawa’ is seldom used to mean what it is supposed to mean. 


Yet, when the person changes because of changed circumstances, ‘hawa lag gaya’/ ‘air has touched (him)’ is the slightly contemptuous way in which it is described. Though, why it should be so, I fail to understand. If you go through life without allowing the places you live in and people you live with to change you, isn’t it a very narrow life you are leading?
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There are words, and there are words. Some words can be easily translated, others need to be described.  In April, I’ll attempt to capture the Soul of 26 'Indian' words in a  drabble of exactly 100 words.

Ehsaan, a favour

For a word seemingly positive, 'ehsaan' is seeped in negativity. “Do you think you are doing me a great ‘ehsaan’ by......”, is its most common use, followed closely by “you seem to have forgotten my ‘ehsaan’”. Of course, there is the third use too- “I will never forget this ‘ehsaan’ of yours”, but when it is uttered by a Bollywood actor, you can be sure that he will soon betray the person to whom he is indebted. 


Personally, I do not believe in “ehsaan”. When you decide to help someone, it should be a conscious choice, not as a favour.
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There are words, and there are words. Some words can be easily translated, others need to be described.  In April, I’ll attempt to capture the Soul of 26 'Indian' words in a  drabble of exactly 100 words.

Didi, elder sister

If you thought ‘didi’ denoted a filial relationship, think again. One of the first lessons you learn is that any female acquaintance of the previous generation is ‘aunty’, and anyone not old enough to be one is ‘didi’. The lines often blur- even a very young mother will invariably be addressed as ‘aunty’, but an older woman might remain a ‘didi’ till she gets married. 


Outside the social circle, ‘didi’ indicates perceived age. Vegetable-vendors, plumbers, cab-drivers; they will all address you as ‘didi’ even if they are several years older. Revel. Because the day they stop, you become an ‘aunty’.
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There are words, and there are words. Some words can be easily translated, others need to be described.  In April, I’ll attempt to capture the Soul of 26 'Indian' words in a  drabble of exactly 100 words.