Women deserve their own headlines

[First published in Women's Web as World Squash Champ Dipika Pallikal Is More Than A Cricketer’s Wife, So Let’s Not Say ‘Wife Of’ In News Headlines!]

"Dinesh Karthik's wife Dipika Pallikal powers India to HISTORIC World Doubles Squash C'ships titles", screamed the headline on Zee News, after the 30 year old squash champion teamed up with Saurav Ghosal and Joshna Chinappa to win both the mixed doubles and women's doubles titles at the World Doubles Championships in Glasgow.

30 year old Dipika Pallikal gained national prominence after she powered her way to three WISPA titles in 2011, and broke into the top 10 the following year.

Her career is peppered with many firsts- first Indian squash player of either gender to reach the finals of a ‘Silver’ event and the first to reach the semi finals of a ‘Gold’ event.

She, along with Joshna Chinappa, won the Squash Women’s Doubles Gold Medal at the Commonwealth Games in 2014, and has been a part of the gold medal winning team at the South Asian Games in 2016, the silver medal winning team at the Asian Team Championships in 2016 and the silver medal winning team at the Asian Games in 2014.

Dipika Pallikal was the first female squash player to win the Arjuna Award in 2012, and had the Padma Shree conferred on her in 2014.

Anybody who follows sports in the country knows Dipika Pallikal, and how she has literally redefined squash in the country. Dinesh Karthik, on the other hand, though a decent cricketer, has lived in the shadow of his more illustrious teammates, and never achieved the kind of heights she did.

Yet, Zee News thought that the most appropriate way to headline an article about her success was by mentioning her cricketer husband.

While one can certainly argue that cricket is almost a religion in India, and even cricketers who are merely a part of IPL squads have greater brand recall than international level sportsmen in other sports, that is not sufficient reason to describe a person as someone’s wife, and certainly not in the headlines, which should celebrate her achievement, not his name.

When this was called out on social media, the responses ranged from the blatantly misogynistic. From “People don’t want to know what Dipika does. She is just Karthik’s wife”, to the absolutely inaccurate, “Physical differences between men and women makes it that way. Nobody likes a less physically dominated event”.

There was even a person who made a blatantly arrogant statement like “Women should stick to beauty contests”, despite the fact that women’s sport is as physically demanding as men’s sport, and that female sportspersons need to work as hard as their male counterparts to compete at the international level.

While most of the people defending the headline are seemingly unaware of the existence of any sport other cricket, it is also a case of blatant male arrogance which decides that women need to be defined in terms of a relationship. Zee News used Dinesh Karthik’s name in the headline because in India, a woman’s identity is defined in terms of being a daughter, a wife or a mother.

Happens EVERY time!

There was the time when an Indian publication referred to the economist Esther Duflo as Abhijeet Banerjee’s wife, conveniently ignoring the fact that Banerjee and Duflo shared the Nobel Prize for Economics in 2019. While Banerjee is certainly more senior than Duflo, her identity is and should be independent of that of her husband.

Tennis player Sania Mirza brought laurels for India long before her marriage to a Pakistani cricketer, but his name is always mentioned in any article about her- the reverse is almost never the case.

This also manifests itself in small acts of internalised misogyny, in daily life.

When I speak to a school teacher, I introduce myself as the mother of their student. My husband, on the other hand, first introduces himself by name, and then mentions the name of the child. I used to think it was quite ridiculous, because the teacher doesn’t care who we are, but is concerned only about the student whose parent we are, but now I wonder if by not introducing myself by name, I am subconsciously negating my identity.

In a society which seeks to reduce women to relationships, maybe each of us should insist on maintaining our own individuality in every setting.

On the issue of Dipika Pallikal being headlined as Dinesh Karthik’s husband, however, there is hope. Noted cricket commentator Harsha Bhogle called it out on social media and said that the headline was demeaning to a campion like Dipika Pallikal.

Though a number of people accused him of being a ‘pseudo feminist’, the post was immediately retweeted by Dinesh Karthik.

More importantly, though it took them a few hours to do so, Zee News did edit the headline to ensure that the spotlight remained on Dipika Pallikal and her amazing success in winning two gold medals at the Doubles Championships.

We can only hope that in future media houses are more careful in how they refer to women who, despite being married to successful men, are also successful in their own right.

Author’s note: Screenshots here are of the original headlines, since they were subsequently changed.

Book Review: Bad Blood

 Unputdownable is the only word to describe John Carreyrou’s ‘Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup’. Though the story of the rise and rise and rise and ultimate fall of the Silicon Valley bio-tech start-up, Theranos, (and its Founder CEO, Elizabeth Holmes) is well known, the book still reads like a fictional thriller.

I remember reading a profile of the Founder CEO, Elizabeth Holmes in 2014, and being absolutely impressed by her youth, her beauty, and her obvious brilliance. It almost seemed like a fairy tale- a 19 year old engineering student coming up with an idea that will revolutionize medical diagnostics, and setting up a company that will make her the richest self-made female. How could someone so young develop a revolutionary technology, and also set up a successful company, I wondered. The answer lies in this book.

It was precisely her lack of scientific knowledge that empowered Elizabeth Holmes to chase an idea that someone with even a bit of experience would know could never work for practical reasons. Like a primary school student drawing a fantastic beast, Elizabeth Holme’s idea had everything- a single drop of blood drawn from the finger, miniature device, multiple tests conducted simultaneously, results out virtually in real time. She didn’t have the expertise to make any of it happen, but she had the charisma to sell her Vision to others. And she drove them to do what was impossible.

Her youth and her passion impressed a group of very powerful older men, who became her greatest champions. Most of them didn’t understand the technology, but were swayed by her vision, and the fact that others from their network believed in her was sufficient for them. It is often said that men have access to Old Boys Networks in a way that women never do- but Elizabeth Holmes, either despite or perhaps because of her gender was able to tap into them as few others could.

The story of Theranos is the story of many tech start-ups. Fake it till you make it. Holmes never even had a working prototype, but she had the audacity to sell her vision to many. It was a classic case of creating an image and letting the image sell itself- even prestigious medical schools went out of their way to honour her merely on the basis of her assertions. Her Board was so packed with heavyweights, that nobody noticed she didn’t have a single expert from the field of medical diagnostics there. The financial projections were never met, and product deadlines were constantly missed, yet she successfully worked on FOMO to ensure her backers stayed with her.

Carreyrou dismisses any theories of Holmes being misled. From the earliest days, the start up resorted to distortions and untruths. During live demonstrations, fake results would be beamed to impress prospective partners and investors. Code was written to ensure that when the device malfunctioned, instead of beaming an error message, the progress bar would appear to slow down, so people decided not to wait for the results but pick it up later at which time false results would be submitted.

Bad Blood is the story of a Founder CEO who was all image but no domain expertise. Employees were recruited by selling a vision, and then insane demands were placed on them. The corporate culture was personality driven, and nobody was allowed to offer constructive criticism or push back on insane demands. People who left (or were asked to leave) were threatened with lawsuits if they went back on the non-disclosure agreements they signed.

Theranos never had the product they claimed they had- more effort was put on the aesthetics of the product than in the product itself. None of the USPs which Holmes spoke about in public were actualised. Yet, they were able to maintain the illusion for over a decade and raise multiple rounds of funding. Had Theranos been a regular tech start up, a lot of it could have been forgiven. But the consumers were people, and the decisions of life and death were taken based on the test results. Errors, and there were several, could have proved fatal. Which is why employees quit, and the entire investigation was launched.

Bad Blood reads like a thriller- at times, it seems too unrealistic even to be fiction. We keep marvelling at how so many were fooled for so long by so little. The cast of characters is varied and well etched. It is an exemplary piece of writing, which will appeal to many. Above all, it is a cautionary tale.

Of What use Dharma?, Janaki asks

Magnolia champaca

You talk of Dharma, Ramchandar.

Rajyasi Dharma. Is that the only Dharma 

There is?

Are you not required, as a husband,

To protect your woman? Your wife. Well,

You failed.

Even if I had been violated, 

It would still not have been my fault.

Would it?

I did not ask to be abducted, did I?

Why must I be asked to prove

My chastity?

Do you not have the courage

To stand by me. Is it not your Dharma to 

Defend me?

You can keep your Dharma, 

It is of no use, if when I most need you, 

You fail.

Navdurga- Durga

 

She clasped her palms in prayer, closed her eyes.

Unbidden, the images came rushing in.

Uncle taking her dress off.

Uncle rubbing her body.

Uncle pushing his fingers into her.

Pain.

She opened her eyes; pushed the pain away.

She looked around. Nobody had heard her cry.

Except Ma Durga. Ma’s eyes were on her.

Her kind, compassionate eyes.

Ma knew. She understood.

Don’t leave me, Ma, she pleaded.

You aren’t alone, Ma whispered. You are Durga.

She nodded with comprehension.

Tonight she will tell her mother.

They will force Uncle to stop.

She is Durga. She will vanquish Evil.

-------

She is everywoman, she is every girl

Navdurga blooms- Siddhidhatri

Plumeria rubra

The oldest child. The eldest daughter in law. She always had things under control.

Every birthday party was meticulously planned. Every wedding went off without a hitch.

She helped pick out engagement rings. She knew where to hire a Spiderman costume.

Even for her own farewell party, she was the one who ordered the cake.

When they saw her, people relaxed. They knew nothing would now go wrong.

They depended on her. It was flattering, but sometimes she longed for more.

She tucked a plumeria behind her ears. Rolled down the window. 

Long drives is where she could be She.

_____

Siddhidhatri, Goddess of the Supernatural Powers

Frangipani. She keeps the world moving

Navdurga blooms- Mahagauri

Cassia fistula

 Invisible.

She tried hard to make herself invisible.

Geeky glasses. 

Unflattering hair. 

Shapeless clothes. 

Head downcast.

Nobody looked at her, she preferred it to be so.

It was safe to remain unseen. Overlooked.

She kept her voice low; let others take credit.

All she wanted was to be left alone.

Sometimes, she’d slip up and flash her smile

She’d catch herself and slip on her mask

But not fast enough. The transformation would be seen.

“You’d be almost pretty if you tried”, they’d say

Don’t they know that beauty is a curse?

That for a woman it’s better to hide. 

_____

Mahagauri, the Fairest One

Indian laburnum. She blooms but briefly

Navdurga blooms- Kalaraatri

 

Clitoria ternatea

I wanted to run away. Be a heroine like Madhuri.

Instead, I landed up here. Everyday, men would have me.

I’d cry out in pain. Beg to be sent home.

But I’d been bought. I had to pay Madam back.

Sometimes, they hurt me. I bore it. I couldn’t escape.

I got pregnant. I had a baby. My expenses rose.

I’d slip her under the bed while I serviced my men.

She learnt to be quiet, as only young girls can.

I bore the abuse. Sent my daughter to school.

Today she becomes a doctor. She will do me proud.

_____

Kaalratri, the Ruler of the Night

Butterfly pea. She is beyond fear

Navdurga blooms- Katyayani

 

Hibiscus rosa-sinensis

Barely six months into her wedding,

He wants her to leave her job.

Creating a home is her responsibility.

Doesn’t he earn enough for both?

How happy her parents had been;

Good family, well settled groom,

No expectations from the family.

She’d agreed to the match.

Right after the honeymoon, the fights began.

He wanted an educated wife,

But didn’t want her to work.

She loved her job too much.

She shrugs the fights off; they can wait.

She dons her PPE, and goes into battle.

For an anesthesiologist in a COVID ward, 

There are real demons to be slayed.

_____

Katyayani, the Slayer of Demons

Hibiscus, evil doesn’t stand a chance against her

Navdurga Blooms- Skhandamata

 

Catharanthus roseus

She divided the food equally,

Then took a bit from her share

And added it to her child’s.

He’s a growing boy. He needs more.

He gulped it down, asked for more.

She looked at the piece of bread, 

Looked at her son. Gave it to him.

She would go hungry again today.

She lay down and closed her eyes.

Sleep would keep hunger away.

Three days without food

How much longer could she last?

She felt him pulling at her clothes

She wanted to tell him he’ll be fine.

But couldn’t.

Periwinkle gives, till she can give no more.

_____

Skhandamata, the Mother of Shand

Periwinkle, she’ll do anything for her child

Navdurga blooms- Kushmanda

Tagetes patula

The oldest daughter, the responsible one.

Her youth went in settling her brood.

There was nobody to see her bloom,

Hers was what is called an unfulfilled life.

 

When she should have been chasing her kids,

She was caring for her bedridden mum.

Orange petals caught the rays of the sun,

Teaching her class gave her so much joy.

 

Her petals shriveled. She retired.

On her 70^th birthday, a zoom call-

Her students popped up one by one.

Doctor, architect, politician, mother, teacher.

 

Each one had done her proud.

Even after a marigold dies,

Each petal grows into a plant.

_____

Kushmanda, the Creator of the Cosmic Egg

Marigold, the Universe is created from her smile

Navdurga blooms- Brahmacharini

 

Nyctanthes arbor-tristis

The night-flowering jasmine wakes up,

Stretches gently and unfurls her petals.

After washing the dishes, and cleaning up,

She pulls out her books and starts to starts to study;

There is an exam tomorrow. She must do well.

 

The night-flowering jasmine fills her senses,

As she goes through pages of equations.

Nothing matters, except an Education-

That will set her free.

 

By sunrise, the night-flowering jasmine is ready to let go.

She too puts aside her books, and grabs her pots.

She has a long walk to the village well.

Her feet crush the white and orange carpet.

Beautiful still.

____

Brahmacharini, the Night-flowering jasmine. She is the Seeker of Knowledge

I choose ugliness

Serena Williams is an athlete. Her legs are strong, her muscles well defined. Her legs are toned- not an inch of fat anywhere- but they are not thin. And without those legs she would not be the world-famous athlete she is.

Why then the need to photoshop those legs to the point where they resemble those of a Barbie doll? Why take a body that has been perfected by hours and hours of hard work, and replace it with something that looks like it will topple over if you shove it?

If that is beauty, I will choose ugliness anyday.

______  
A Drabble is a story told in exactly 100 words.

A day for drawing attention....

This morning, I saw a girl in a mini-skirt telling me to buy a two-wheeler to commemorate International Woman’s Day. While I have nothing against mini-skirts, and I admit that to a woman who has to battle male gaze while using public transport nothing is more empowering than a two-wheeler; I didn’t like how the Day was being misused to sell two-wheelers.

The Day is for drawing attention to the issues that plague women across the globe- gender inequality, lack of choice, economic discrimination, sexual abuse - the endless cycle of poverty and reproduction. That’s what the Day is for.

______  
A Drabble is a story told in exactly 100 words.

Live their Passion

When I look at some of my friends, I am amazed at how much they manage to cram into a single day.

Ultra marathoner. Classical Dancer. Baker. Sports Nutritionist. Mother.

Professional Baker. Environmentalist. Gardener. Mother.

Fiction writer. Content Creator. Professional Dancer. Mother.

Bio-tech entrepreneur. Photographer. Wildlife enthusiast.

Doing any of those things is a full-time job, but not only do they straddle multiple roles, they do it well. The one thing they all have in common is Passion. Passion for doing what they are doing. The determination to live their Passion. If you have Passion, the rest falls into place.
______
A Drabble is a story told in exactly 100 words.

There is still Hope

Her father works as a security guard- a job he has clung onto for over a decade. Her mother is barely literate- a woman who’s personal horizons end at the walls of her home. She is a Certified Public Accountant, working for one of the “Big Four” Public Auditing Firms. Her younger sister is doing a Masters in Science in the United States- she went there on a full-scholarship.

Her’s is the kind of story that gives us hope. The kind of story that reminds us that with hard work and a supportive family, you can open almost all doors.

______
A Drabble is a story told in exactly 100 words.

Tomorrow marks the 63rd Anniversary of the day on which India proclaimed herself a Republic. Though there is a lot that is wrong in the country, stories like this give me Hope.

Women are Victims, not Provocateurs

“Baba has been misquoted”, the lady thundered. “What he meant to say was that if the rape victim, instead of fighting back, had chanted a prayer, and appealed to her rapists as brothers, she would have been spared.”

All I want to ask the lady is one thing. Will she be willing to put her faith on test by boarding a bus at night with six male passengers, with nothing more than prayer to keep her fears at bay?

When will people start accepting that women are victims of sexual assaults, not provocateurs? When will other women start accepting it?

________
A Drabble is a story told in exactly 100 words.

Will this ever end?

Crimes against women are on the rise. Rape, assault, murder. Instances of acid-throwing, of faces being slashed. Crimes by strangers; crimes by loved ones. Crimes reported; crimes unreported.

Crimes that make you seriously consider donning a veil- except that never stopped a sexually frustrated male, did it?

You can blame tradition that put women in a subordinate role. But actually, it is popular culture that is to blame. It is Bollywood that reinforces the view that stalking a woman is the way to win her. That when a woman struggles, she’s enjoying it.

Will this objectification of women ever end?

______
This picture was taken from a cab on a monsoon day in July. Words are not required, those eyes say it all. Taken on Tulsi Pipe Road, this forms a part of my Pictorial Flashback of 2012.

Not to be a lady

For a long time, I envied women who were ladies. Women who wore the right clothes, said the right things, and knew how to conduct themselves in social-settings. No matter how hard I tried, I could never become one.

Injustice bothers me, and I am not afraid to create a scene when faced with something that is Wrong. When I have something to say, I say it, without worrying about how many feathers it will ruffle.

Now I realize being a lady is not all that great- I would rather be a woman who stands up for what is Right.

On the International  Day of the Girl, Nora Ephron's words are so true-

"Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women."
Nora Ephron

______
This is the fourth year that I am going to be a part of NaBloWriM. The Plan is to elaborate (in 100 words) on a quote that touched my heart- let's see how far this takes me. If I can tie it in with the writing prompt, so much the better!

A woman's work

I had been feeling ill all day, and by evening I was so ill I could barely stand straight. I tried eating something, but ended up throwing it all up. My head was aching so much I thought it might just burst.

And yet, there were chores I could not put off. Bathe the kids, pack their school lunches, fill the water, hang out the laundry. I was suffering, but had to do it.

“You lie down, Mamma, I’ll finish all your jobs”,

A woman’s work is never done. But after hearing those words, those chores got so much easier.

It needs to change

“What would you like to change about woman’s boxing?”, an Indian boxer was asked.

“Nothing”, she replied. “It is society that I would like to change.” Her comment was as spot on as her punches.

An organization puts up posters threatening to throw acid on the face of women who dare wear jeans, and the police doesn’t take any action against them. A woman is raped in board daylight on a busy street- a cameraman shoots it live and broadcasts it on TV, but does nothing to prevent the crime.

Any society that treats women so, does need to change.