[Second in a Set of Drabbles based on Van Gogh's Cafe Terrace at Night, 1888]“Mamma!!!”
I whipped around, but all I could see was a sea of heads. How would I ever find my five year old in this crowd?
“Mamma!!!” Louder now, clearer. Waves of panic threatened to engulf me. From a distance, I heard a voice call out, “Claudine!”
“Mamma?”
“Claudine?”
“Mamma!”, a happy yelp as a tiny figure detached herself from the flood of skirts, and threw itself on a woman that was not me.
“Claudine!”
“Mamma!”
Claudine!!! My daughter would have been five this month. If I had been able to let her live, would that mother have been me?
_________
Drabble (n) - an extremely short work exactly one hundred words in length. The purpose of the drabble is brevity and to test the author's ability to express interesting and meaningful ideas in an extremely confined space.
15 comments:
Very interesting. Didn't expect the ending. Not sure if you celebrate it or not, but Happy Mother's Day.
Mason
Thoughts in Progress
I agree with Mason - interesting scenes from this painting :)
Happy mother's day tomorrow - wait - it is tomorrow for you! Happy day :)
Such a sad story:(
Yes, in a sea of little kids in school uniform- it's usually the child who can spot the parent first.
Happy Mother's Day, my dear.
You had me....sad ending! Interesting way to write; I love Van Gogh, most of his stuff!
Happy Mother's Day...my day is going to involve special coffee, that is all I know so far. Maybe a ride on a bike trail~
I need to catch up...i'm behind on posting, will check out some of your other posts, soon!
Oh, this hurt my heart. A sad story.
Happy mothers day to you. :)
Happy Mothers Day, most interesting read, unexpected ending.
Have a peaceful Sunday.
Yvonne.
Wow! I was searching the crowd...seeing where this little one was. And then the ending...so sad!! Happy Mother's Day
Hugs
SueAnn
You are writing a lot of tear jerking posts lately.
Lovely nonetheless.
Al
Publish or Perish
What a touching and yet powerful story. I've lost my son one time in a department store and the panic you feel as a mother is overwhelming. (I found him in the end hiding under a rack of clothing) I love the last line because it completely changes the story. You go through so many emotions: panic - happiness - reflection.
Great.
CD
That was awesome! Very powerful. It truly drew me in. Nice job, Rayna!!!! :)
Lovely story. I used to write stories after looking at a painting. Started that in a humanities class I tool eons ago and forgot how great that practice can be. Thanks for the reminder.
Have a great day.
I never tried looking at a painting to find a story. I loved the one you did. So sweet and so sad.
Powerful story. You are quite the word crafter!
@ Mason - oh yes, we do. Indians adopt every holiday there is!!! Thank you.
@ Jemi - thank you. And it is always about choosing the story, rather than thinking of one
@ dipali - and I thought that happened only to me- but kids in uniform almost all look alike, don't they?
@ Ellie - Van Gogh is one of my favourite artists. And most of his paintings speak to me at various levels.
@ Fiona - I wish I had written something a bit more festive, though.
@ Momo's Ma - thank you, and to you.
@ Yvonne - thank you.
@ SueAnn - now I wish I hadn't written this today, but sometimes, you can't choose what story ends up coming out.
@ Al - now that you mention it, I have been, haven't I. Will promise not to write another of them for awhile.
@ Clarissa - I've lost my younger one a couple of times too - often in the playground, and the fear that courses through you is something horrible. And you described it perfectly - panic - happiness - reflection.
@ Jessica - thank you.
@ Maryann - a bunch of us do this on a regular basis. If you have the time, look us up at http://the-burrow.org/
@ Mary - thank you. And you should try it- great fun.
@ Jenny - thank you. What a wonderful thing to say.
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