Why I do not celebrate Mothers' Day

 If I define myself at all, it is as "mother".

Becoming a mother was a life altering experience for me. It was not easy for a Type A personality to accept that precisely nothing was in her control.

Someone who stomped through life with the casual arrogance of one who believed she could do anything soon realised that practically every woman she encountered knew more than her.

It was humbling to know that babies don't come with instruction manuals. Initially, I made flow charts to determine why the baby cried- is he hungry, wet, hot, cold....., or plain fussy. But I soon surrendered them, and started relying on that most in-exact of things-instinct.

Becoming a mother taught me humility. It taught me fear. It taught me compassion.

It made me who I am.

YET, the only thing I do on Mothers' Day is wish my mother and thank her for being my mother.

Because there are many who are not mothers.

There are women who choose not to be mothers.

There are women who want to be mothers but are not able.

There are women who crave to be mothers but their situation forces them to delay.

There are mothers who lost their babies.

There are mothers who lost older children.

There are mothers who chose to abort a child, but still live with the guilt of doing so.

There are children who lost their mothers.

There are adults who lost their mothers.

There are mothers who were never there emotionally for their children

There are mothers who are disappointed in their child

There are mothers who disapprove of their life choices and keep away

Even a relationship as romaticised as the one between a mother and her child, is not always what it is made out to me.

To all those people, Mothers' Day is a travesty. It is a reminder of what they do not have. And a celebration which isn't inclusive isn't worth celebrating.

But, to all the mothers suffering from self doubt (and I doubt if there are too many who do not), I will just quote -

"There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one." 

Can we even Lockdown now?

Given how the number of cases is rising, it is tempting to demand a Lockdown- even Dr. Fauci recommends it. But clearly, those asking for it have no idea about the ground reality of the country.

Our healthcare system has totally broken down. We do not have sufficient hospital beds, we do not have sufficient oxygen, we do not have sufficient life saving medicines. The State does not have the resources to treat everyone who needs to be treated. In such a situation, how will Lockdown help?

Take the hypothetical case of one 47 year old who tests positive. The person is kept under home isolation, but the moment her SPO2 drops below 90, the drama begins. Her family starts the hunt for an oxygen cylinder which will keep her oxygen levels up. They run between dealers to procure oxygen and/ or medication.

When there is a Lockdown, will they be allowed free movement? Will the resources magically get procured and delivered in a contactless manner by vaccinated delivery staff?

The patient’s oxygen levels continue to drop. The family hears of a potential lead in a hospital, and bundles her and her oxygen cylinder into an auto to take her to the hospital. If she is lucky, she is given a gurney and with her oxygen cylinder she waits for a bed to become available. Her family is with her, waiting.

As long as the hospital infrastructure is absolutely inadequate to meet demand, and there remains a severe lack of confidence in the medical system, will a Lockdown prevent people from rushing their severely ill relatives to hospitals, and waiting with them till they get support? No Lockdown will contain people indoors while their relatives are dying.

The patient doesn’t recover. There are 24 hour long queues at crematoria.

Will a Lockdown help? Can mourners be kept away from cremating their own?

In the current situation where numbers are rising drastically, and the public doesn't have confidence in the system, even Lockdowns will not keep people indoors. And these are the people who are in contact with the severely ill patients, and are therefore most likely to be spreaders.

By declaring a Lockdown, all that will happen is that the families of those who are sick will be harassed even more than they are now. Last year, we saw how the Lockdown affected the socially and economically marginalised. Does it make any sense to repeat that, when the category of people who are most likely to be spreaders (the family of severely ill patients) cannot be contained by a Lockdown?

At this point, the best that the government can do is to mandate that all business that can shift to a work from home model do so. Exams can and must be cancelled. Restrictions placed on all unnecessary gatherings. Greater precautions be taken on public transport. A lockdown is neither feasible, nor possible- we need to do the best we can.